“Somehow, time with the family just won’t quite cut it in this case. And ‘I felt I’d accomplished my goal of destroying the Justice Department’ is probably a bit too candid as well.” — Josh Marshall, Talking Points Memo

So why did Alberto Gonzales resign?

10) Didn’t like “Fredo,” Bush’s nickname for him. Wanted to be called “Tessio.”

9) Got sick of everyone, bloggers and MSM alike, spelling his last name with two Zs.

8) Realized that the man he was putting his name, professional reputation, and possible freedom from prosecution on the line to defend and protect is actually sort of a douche.

7) It’s time to take Colonel Gonzo’s 100% Electric Mega Super Wow Band out on tour.

6) Had so much fun with the nuts and bolts of the domestic surveillance program that he’s training to become a Verizon FiOS tech. (You should see his truck.)

5) Found out belatedly that the DOJ has one of those YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO ENTER signs at the front door.

4) He and Rove are gonna do the cross-country road-trip thing.

3) Ability to blot out reality in favor of illusionary fantasy (skills honed this summer in his Senate testimony) scored him a screenwriting gig on the new Stargate Universe.

2) Having admitted that his grandparents may have been illegal immigrants, and having seen what happened to Elvira Arellano, figured it was best to get south of the border before ICE came knocking.

1) Firing United States attorneys to bolster GOP agenda, lying to Congress about it, putting politics above the rule of law, pissing on the Constitution, and generally running roughshod over all that’s still right and good about this once-great land just wasn’t fun anymore.