You’ve come a long way, baby!
That’s the motto at the Urinal these days, in regard to the exciting and innovative “news” emphasis that reportedly will be featured on its Web site, Belojo.com.
It’s P+J’s understanding that Tom Heslin, the Other Paper’s Web ubermensch, has announced that a new women’s portal is in the works, and that it will feature all sorts of hard-hitting featurettes, with titles like “Let’s Chat,” “All About Me,” and “Blush.”
Ooooooh, your superior correspondents haven’t been this excited since we received a DVD boxed set of the entire run of The View for Christmas, darlings! To quote from an unsigned (for sooooo many reasons) in-house memo for the aforementioned “Blush” briefing get-together on Fountain Street, “This session will cover such topics as Romance, Dating, Celebrity, Astrology, Surprise, Buzz, Inspire Me!, E-postcards, For Men Only — The Other Team’s Playbook, and anything else you think might appeal to women (and men!) as individuals. When you sign up for this session, think Cosmo, Glamour, Self, Lucky magazines”
Wheeee! “Glamour Dos and Don’ts” all around!
But wait, there’s more. A recent Urinal survey of women readers purportedly revealed that what women want from their organ of record is . . . wait for it . . . news (!?!?). Yet this BS for the babes is being plumped as what Vo Dilun’s dames really want from their main media outlet. The new direction evidently has the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval from the Belo big boys in Dallas.
Imagine the staggering potential: an extreme makeover in the State House rotunda for M. Chuckie Bakst, by Kathy “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!” Gregg and Cynthia Needham — with photos and streaming video galore.
Yet there are rumblings from the newsroom that perhaps the female employees therein didn’t get into journalism to be amid growing amounts of fluff about dating and astrology.
Phillipe + Jorge are sure we aren’t alone in saying, we just can’t wait!
Chuckie cheese
Speaking of our pal, M. Chuckie, don’t seat him next to Governor Don Carcieri at any upcoming soirees.
As the lovely Karen Lee Ziner noted in her story on the Don’s proposed humiliation of minorities, er, excuse us, executive order on illegal immigration, our immigration problem is due to one major thing: the media, particularly, the inquiring Mr. Bakst.
Ziner wrote, “Several times, Carcieri lashed out at members of the media, accusing them of inflammatory rhetoric . . . What stirs [things] up is what you [Bakst, the questioner, and implicitly, the local media] write. The language you use and others in the media are what inflames this issue. You use the right language and we can get a lot more balanced discussion on this. You’re the ones who are responsible.”
Oh. So now at least we know where the problem is. This couldn’t possibly be blaming illegal immigrants for everything but the Patriots losing the Super Bowl, could it? (Wes Welker? What kind of name is that? Guatemalan?)
Communications 101
May Phillipe + Jorge be presumptuous enough to offer some basic PR advice to Governor Carcieri and his pinballing communications guru, Steve Kass?
First, for the Don: You should be aware that you are on record as having said something nice about Head Start (yes, with all this new-fangled technology, people do actually have access to this kind of stuff), such as when you wrote in a letter to Congress a few months back about “the essential role that Head Start plays in providing comprehensive school readiness services to children and their families.”
That way, you might be able to avoid making the kind of gaffe that comes with your recent assertion: “Show me empirical evidence that Head Start has done anything. I think it’s been the biggest waste of money, frankly . . . I think it’s totally ineffective.” It’s called credibility.
For now, your superior correspondents figure that Laughing Boy and his yes men are merely emulating their revered and sainted leader, Ronald Reagan, who was always making shit up, claiming that ketchup is a vegetable, that trees cause more pollution than automobiles, and that welfare “queens” lead charmed lives.
Laughing Boy seems to be a master sergeant in this class war, domestic division, making sure those pesky minorities don’t get out of control. Don’t worry — no one other than the sons and daughters of the well-to-do will soon be able to afford a quality college education, so there shouldn’t be too many “working class heroes” rearing their acned pusses to fight the power.
We’re happy to see the talented Jeff Neal get out of this hothouse administration. He served them well without losing precious IQ points, a problem, we have noticed, that frequently crops up with prolonged proximity to the Don.
Now, to Mr. Kass: when you are discussing how you make $126,541 — for doing things of which no one is quite sure — do not tell the reporters at the Urinal’s “Political Scene” column, “My salary is not a big salary to me.”
Yes, this may be a pay downgrade from your previous radio job, but to the taxpayers who pony up your inflated salary of $126K and change, it is a verrrry big chunk of change indeed. P+J think the good citizens of Vo Dilun would be the first to encourage your return to your previous employ and the accompanying more luxurious pay scale.
