Comic Con 2011 begins today in San Diego, as if every nerd were not already painfully (or joyfully, if attending) aware. Laser Orgy is here to rub salt into the wound by reminding our readers and ourselves of all the amazing things we are missing.

When we first caught wind of the soon to be premiered pop-culture monstrosity that is Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (a.k.a. Wherein U2 Scores an Undeservedly Epic Musical Theater Adaptation of A Comic Book Franchise That America Might Not Be Tired of Just Yet), we were, well, intrigued. But now, we're just downright worried.

If you were like me at 13 years old, you found yourself reading through old Spider-Man comics, wishing that some visionary stagesmith would turn the web-slinging adventures of Peter Parker into a multi-million dollar, Broadway rock opera, complete with a sure-to-be mediocre soundtrack by a once awesome band, now relegated to the desolate halls of "Adult Contemporary" radio.

^{©2010 Steve Dressler.}