WELCOME MAT Participants at Machine's annual Drag Queen Jell-O Wrestling card seemed more interested in chaos than competition. |
Although we missed Monday Night Raw this week, the annual Drag Queen Jell-O Wrestling card at Machine doubly compensated for the dearth of pretend violence in our lives.
>> PHOTOS: "Drag Queen Jello Wrestling at Machine" by Derek Kouyoumjian <<
Organizer and star Kris Knievil (a/k/a Christopher Fijal) estimated that Monday marked the eighth installment of the gelatin-dessert-soaked throwdown. In bygone eras, before it landed at Machine four years ago, the contest made dearly departed clubs Man Ray and Axis very sticky.
"We were brainstorming one night, and asked, 'What's the most retarded thing drag queens could do?'" Knievil explained. "Someone said, 'Jell-O wrestling,' and boom! Done."
Of course, drag is a performance-art cousin of pro wrestling, and Knievil is a veteran of both — she even made a cameo on WWE a few years ago, playing one of the women suspected of mothering CEO Vince McMahon's illegitimate son. ("He wasn't bad. He cried a lot. He called me 'The Rock' a couple of times," Knievil said, recalling their alleged tryst.)
At Monday's event, we got to see Knievil's violent side: she had it in for longtime nemesis Rainbow Frite. And retribution would take the form of a kiddie pool full of 75 gallons of red raspberry Jell-O.
Following a quick drag show, the main event began around midnight. It quickly became obvious that apart from two volunteers from the crowd who played it pretty rough, the participants weren't exactly taking the competitive aspect of Jell-O wrestling seriously. Instead, the chaos was top priority. After a pair of mighty Valkyries haplessly stumbled and slid through a farcical Greco-Roman-style bout, a winner was crowned via the completely unscientific method of gauging audience applause. As Jell-O wrestling always draws a crowd, even on a Monday, about 70 people played judge.
Knievil trounced Frite, Fena Barbitall reigned supreme over Violencia Exclamation Pointe, and the festivities wrapped with all participants (in various stages of undress) engaging in what my notes describe as a "theatrical cuddle puddle" in the pool. Although it might've been intended as an impromptu battle royale. Or both of those things. What I'm guessing had to be a mix of sweat and Jell-O produced an ammonia-esque aroma stage-side, but it was worth getting my nostrils ruffled for this towering echelon of ridiculousness.
Still, I pity whoever had to clean up the place.
