Grossest casting couch in History Dept.
By CHRIS FARAONE | July 15, 2009
VIDEO: Chris Faraone talks to hopefuls at the America's Biggest Asshole auditions
This week in Boston, Spike TV held auditions for its new sub-low-culture program, America's Biggest Asshole. You're right — all reality show tryouts are essentially auditions for America's Biggest Asshole, but this one is transparently egregious, as if the NHL re-named hockey "Kill the Man with the Puck."
Naturally, the Phoenix checked out the first of two auditions at Boston Casting in Allston on Monday (the second took place after press time on Wednesday at Red Sky in Faneuil Hall), where we expected a royal rumble of torrentially ignorant proportions. After all, it wouldn't be thinking too far outside the box if a contestant were to walk in with a gun and smoke the competition — they could and should win by default. Instead, though, we mostly found dudes whose asshole résumés are likely limited to sneaking into comic-book conventions and jerking off in public bathrooms.
Though there were no mass murders, some scumbags certainly impressed. One Neanderthal harassed an intern until she needed backup — after which he stormed into an office and made a long-distance phone call.
The talent scouts (and I use that word loosely in this case) worked through disruptions that expectedly arose — they blasted an open casting call for assholes, for Chrissakes. But from the looks of things, their bigger problem was that too many nice people showed. One kid lasted a mere 45 seconds before they told him that he wasn't a big enough orifice.
The biggest assholes were probably at home on their couches. What self-respecting asshole would let himself be led around by the show's producers in a dog-and-pony show, anyway? Take the smelly and anonymous tattooed vagrant (who paced back and forth gulping Cherry Coke and burping the Cro-Magnon alphabet) before thinking better of his decision. "I'm a prick with the best of them," he said, pickle-breathed. "But I don't know about this. Look around — it's a fucking clown show."
Related:
Otaku you, Review: Afro Samurai, Mujeres, More
- Otaku you
In the 1980s, while Americans were worrying about losing dominance in the automobile industry, Japan was taking over the animation business.
- Review: Afro Samurai
Afro Samurai , which is based on the anime of the same title, follows Afro on his quest to find the Number Two headband.
- Mujeres
Isabel Bayón played an eternal feminine archetype, surrounding herself with proud, seductive gestures.
- How low can you go?
"Turn down the bass!" a well-meaning fan finally yelled last Saturday night, about a half-hour into Murder by Death's sold-out performance downstairs at the Middle East.
- Review: Appetite for Self-Destruction
Like any good murder mystery, Steve Knopper's Appetite for Self-Destruction keeps the tension high and the action swift as the search for a culprit drags on.
- Verbana Darvell: Unmasked
South County screamo quartet Verbana Darvell recently finished their latest EP, Brought Out the Waiting , produced by studio whiz Mike Poorman at Strangeways Recording in Providence.
- Wizards of Oz
Seeing Australian musicians in North America is like seeing stars in the night sky: their light has traveled so far for so long that you're getting just a ghost of the original.
- The society of the spectacle
Of Montreal live at the Paradise, April 21
- Braziliant
As if puny, leaf-free trees and a general lack of flowers in late April weren't enough of a message to the post-winter season to hurry its shit up, art schools across Boston are poised to open their annual May fundraisers, all in the name of spring.
- Hemp — the law, the musical
When liberal congressmen like Barney Frank begin co-sponsoring bills with libertarians like Ron Paul, there must be something funny in the air.
- Seeing Sparks
Those hardcore fans among you already have much of Eyes to the Sun in your collection. Sparks the Rescue have been selling nine of these 12 songs on a disc they've brought to shows and mailed out from time to time.
- Less

Topics:
Lifestyle Features
, Entertainment, Media, Television, More
, Entertainment, Media, Television, Reality Shows, Spike TV, America's Biggest Asshole, Less