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Don't tase me, bro

December 21, 2007 5:11:37 PM

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CATCH PHRASE “I’m feeling very vulnerable right now.”
ORIGINAL CONTEXT In 2007, the sexual revolution achieved its long-awaited fulfillment. No shots were fired, no one was executed, and in fact it is still unclear who is actually in power. Nonetheless, with the broadcasting of MTV’s A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, all parties agreed that, really, there was nowhere else to go. With its teams of howling jocks and lesbians competing for the heart of a bisexual disco biscuit, A Shot . . . was the most freshly degraded reality TV of the year. And when Tila herself, late in the season, confessed to a moment of genuine human frailty, it was somehow more vulgar than all of the preceding bitch fights, hazings, ass-barings, Jacuzzi sessions, and drunken hook-ups put together.
USE IN EVERYDAY LIFE AS an insult, an imputation of frailty or effeminacy.
EXAMPLE “I’d love to arm wrestle with you, Brad, but I’m afraid I have a sprained wrist. You’ll have to find someone else.”
“Yeah, I can tell you’re feeling very vulnerable right now.”

CATCH PHRASE “I’m here with the members of the NRA — would you like to say hello?”
ORIGINAL CONTEXT The weirdness of Rudy Giuliani’s little moment in front of the National Rifle Association has yet to be fully parsed. In the middle of a blustering, meretricious speech, the message of which might be summarized as “All right, yes, you can keep your frigging guns,” the former mayor of New York City received a cell-phone call from his wife. And answered it, smirkingly. “Hello, dear,” he said. Was it a joke? An attempt to hype himself as a virtuously married man? Or a specimen of the dictatorial bad manners we can expect from him if (God forbid) the moron electorate makes him president? Only Rudy knows.
USE IN EVERYDAY LIFE AS an indicator of preoccupation (telephonic).
EXAMPLE “Melinda! At last I get you on the phone! Is this a good time to talk?”
“Hi, Keith. Listen, I’m here with the members of the NRA — would you like to say hello?”

CATCH PHRASE “My face is in hot scones.”
ORIGINAL CONTEXT “Where’d Suzanne Somers go? Hello, has anyone seen Suzanne Somers? Where’s Suzanne?” Shivan Sarna, co-host of the Home Shopping Network’s In the Kitchen with Suzanne Somers, looked around with theatrical anxiety. Where was Suzanne? Ah, there she was! Wacky Suzanne, hiding her face behind the lifted napkin of a basket of baked goods! And as the 61-year-old memoirist and former sit-com star sighed in delight, huffing the aroma of fresh scones, a catch phrase was born. Somers, whose 2005 one-woman Broadway show The Blonde in the Thunderbird was brutally panned by critics, is the female Chuck Norris: she has survived an alcoholic father, breast cancer, and a stint as the official spokesperson for ThighMaster. Minutes before Sconegate, she was laughing — laughing! — as she described the accidental incineration, in January of this year, of her Malibu home. Would that we could all achieve such cosmic gaiety.
USE IN EVERYDAY LIFE AS an expression of sensory fulfillment, an exaltation of pleasure over responsibility.
EXAMPLE “Doug, I know you’re enjoying that shiatsu-massage cushion you bought at Bed Bath & Beyond, but it’s time for our harassment training.”
“Dude, what can I tell you? My face is in hot scones.”

CATCH PHRASEPor qué no te callas?” (Translation: “Why don’t you shut up?”)
ORIGINAL CONTEXT The sight of a hot-faced monarch upbraiding the leader of a New World socialist nation might be expected to arouse one’s republican sympathies, but not when the personages in question are King Juan Carlos I of Spain and Venezuelan motor mouth Hugo Chávez. At the Ibero-American Summit in Santiago, Chile, Chávez got on the mic and wouldn’t quit, interrupting the Spanish prime minister with accusations of fascism, conspiracy, and all-purpose nastiness. “Less human than snakes,” he said! Juan Carlos, who supervised Spain’s transition to democracy in the ’70s, saw off a military coup in 1981, and has basically done nothing since but go yachting with a drink in his hand, was roused to regal ire. Using the insultingly familiar “tu” form, he brought a crushing, ancien-régime scorn to bear on the uppity Chávez. It had no effect whatsoever.
USE IN EVERYDAY LIFE AS a piece of verbal overkill, designed to stun your interlocutor into silence.
EXAMPLE “So I was thinking you might want to go for the blond streaks on top, and then lose a little of this length around the back and the — ”
Por qué no te callas?”

CATCH PHRASE “You must have meant something more intelligent.”
ORIGINAL CONTEXT Whatever was said to him to prompt this pearl is long forgotten, but it was the lethal condescension of Christopher Hitchens’s response to an audience member in Madison, Wisconsin, as he swashbuckled through town in support of his book God Is Not Great, that qualifies it for our list. This was the year the atheists strode down Main Street — Hitchens, Dawkins, Dennett, Harris — and the to-believe-or-not-to-believe debate, conducted for centuries in backrooms, suddenly blazed up into high noon. The mood was intemperate and the polemics were extreme. In the crossfire, there was no room for moderation. God was derided by iron-souled materialists, defended by scoundrel fundamentalists, and silently petitioned by the good folk ducking behind their shattered windows: Sweet Jesus, make it stop!
USE IN EVERYDAY LIFE AS a kiss-off, a put-down, especially girl-to-boy.
EXAMPLE “Hi Pam! Wanna go to the movies with me tonight?”
“You must have meant something more intelligent.”


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