WEST ROAST
5 years ago
May 9, 2003 | Jay Jaroch mused on the bi-coastal lifestyle and the differences between West and East Coasters.
“Sure, it’s been new and exciting, but when you grow up East Coast you learn that you should never take yourself too seriously — unless, of course, you have a graduate degree. Take yourself too seriously, and you can be sure your friends will soon be mocking you right back down to earth: ‘Bill, you’re a systems analyst and you live in Malden. Take the leather pants off.’
“People in Los Angeles don’t discourage that kind of behavior; rather, they climb over each other to emulate it. If Jay-Z appeared in a video with his face dotted with bits of tissue he’d used to clot his shaving mistakes, the next day you’d see Scotties-spotted hipsters on the streets of LA wondering if the mistakes go better with their pants’ legs up or down.” Read Full Article
END GAMES
10 years ago
May 8, 1998 | Dan Tobin pitched alternative endings for Seinfeld.
“ 4. The Force
An anonymous letter reveals that Jerry’s Floridian folks are not his true birth parents. Instead, Newman is Jerry’s real father. “Search your feelings -- you know it to be true,” says Newman, sounding much like James Earl Jones as he nibbles at a Snickers bar. “Oh, hello, father,” Jerry responds snidely. The letter goes on to explain that Elaine is Jerry’s twin sister, and soon the gang is reunited on Riker’s Island as the twins are incarcerated on multiple counts of incest.
5. Nothing happens
Proving that Seinfeld is indeed a show about nothing, the last 15 minutes are just dead air. It’s the least grating 15 minutes in the series’s history.”
READING REAGAN
20 years ago
May 6, 1988| Francis J. Connolly interviewed local astrologer extraordinaire Cosmic Muffin, a/k/a Darrell Martinie about the revelation that Ronald Reagan had been consulting astrologers.
“Q: Do you think the president is basing all his decisions on the astrological charts?
A: No, that’s obvious. Just look at this: the president is going off for a summit with Gorbachev, the summit in Moscow. And he’s leaving on Memorial Day weekend. Well, if the president were using an astrologer to time all his events—look, Memorial Day weekend begins one of the suckiest cycles I’ve seen, and it’s going to last all the way into July. Mercury is going retrograde, Venus is going retrograde, and there’s going to be a full moon...If an astrologer was dictating the president’s schedule, and the astrologer told the president to start the summit on Memorial Day weekend, that astrologer must have had a lobotomy.
Q: Can you make any predictions for Reagan’s future?
A: We’ve all had problems with Reagan’s chart. We just can’t get the exact time of his birth. Back when he was born, when they chiseled that information on the wall of a cave...they didn’t keep very good records. Certainly not in Tampico, Illinois.
Q: So you can’t say anything about Reagan’s future?
A: Oh, sure. Astrologically, his place in history is assured as a great president, like him or not. He’s always done things at just the right time, when conditions were favorable—as contrasted with Jimmy Carter, who did everything at the worst of all possible cycles. He seemed to have an instinct for doing things at the wrong time…You know, there’s never been a treaty or a contract made under a retrograde Mercury that ever worked. And I remember watching the news after the Camp David summit, with Begin and Carter and Sadat all shaking hands. And Mercury was retrograde! I remember saying this thing will never work, it’s a retrograde-Mercury contract. That was Jimmy Carter for you.”
DEEP ROTE
35 years ago
May 8, 1973 | Janet Maslin weighed in on the controversy surrounding 70’s cult porn film Deep Throat, on trial for obscenity charges.
“...Deep Throat...lasts for less than an hour and is astonishingly unerotic as these things go, what with its myriad mystiqueless closeups and a score which, in the words of one rock critic, ‘sounds like they walked into a supermarket with a tape recorder.’ It does have its funny moments, a few of them even intentional, as its storybook heroine with the dislocated clitoris searches for what she coyly refers to as ‘tingles’ (‘I want to hear bells, bombs, dams bursting, something!’) En route to a revoltingly happy ending, the story has her falling in love with a joke-happy doctor who physically befriends her (and who makes the kind of wisecracks that wouldn’t pass for funny on Saturday morning TV), and then nursing a bunch of ‘patients’...‘The results,’ as the official synopsis put it, ’will have you holding onto your crotch with laughter.’ Or whatever. Either way, you’re more likely to be holding onto your mouth, suppressing the occasional yawn.” Read Full Article
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