Bill Cosby is definitely (not) dead, ya hear?

He's alive and he is sick of all the death gossip-mongering, ok? He didn't drown facedown in a kiddie pool filled with delicious JELL-O pudding. He didn't giggle himself into cardiac arrest over something a precocious 5-year-old said. He is alive, damn it.

Another death rumor went viral this Monday (on Twitter, where else?) ringing the fourth death knell for the 73-year-old funnyman. And, this time, he's definitely not laughing along. Who could blame him? It's like a grim, social media-inspired version of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. The Tweet that Cried Death. When poor Cosby does eventually bite the dust, nobody will believe it.

Of course, Cosby is in good (depending on your definition) company. Other celebs whose obits have been sent to press while they were still updating their IMDB pages include, in no particular order:

-Justin Bieber (death by OD on breast milk?)
-Taylor Lautner (death by one too many reps at the gym? Seriously, give it a rest, dude. We get it, you're ripped.)
-Jeff Goldblum (death by slow, deadpan, almost throat-parchingly dry delivery of lines?)
-Will Ferrell (death by pigeonhole? Put this guy in a crime thriller or something. Anything but another slapstick comedy, for all of us.)

Four is about four too many for any self-respecting celebrity (or otherwise) and this one struck a nerve. A close friend was left in tears, Cosby told CNN, and "I don't want [whoever spread the rumor] to do this anymore." Ever the comedian, however, he took to his own Twitter account (impressive for a septuagenarian) to say "Again, I'm rebuttaling ( rumors about my demise. But, I'm confirming I have an app."

Rebutalling? Aging, though not dead, celebrities say the darndest things.