Top Ten Rumors about the Rally to Restore Sanity/March to Keep Fear Alive

Published Oct 25 2010, 01:50 PM by Chris Faraone

Despite the helpful FAQ page that Comedy Central posted on its web site, most folks, including those of us from the Phoenix who are heading to Washington, are confused about exactly what might go down at Saturday's Rally to Restore Sanity/March to Keep Fear Alive. Will Bon Jovi be there? How about Gallagher? Will it be funnier than Glenn Beck's recent carnival and the militia rally we hit a few months ago? Who knows? Perhaps it's just an opportunity to prove that Comedy Central viewers make better signs than their Fox counterparts. Here are some potential highlights that we've heard about/dreamed up around the office. Please feel free to add more below, and be sure to check ThePhoenix.com this weekend for crowd coverage and recaps.

1 – Patriotically delusional country icon Lee Greenwood will reluctantly perform “God Bless the USA” in an attempt to restore his own sanity.

2 – New Comedy Central hire Rick Sanchez will supervise the sale of gefilte fishsticks and knishes on the National Mall.

3 – In an ill-conceived Viacom convergence promo, MTV will turn the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool into the world's biggest hot tub for a Jersey Shore-themed after-party.

4 – Jon Stewart, having finally realized that the majority of his viewers are laughing for the wrong reasons, will leave early to join Dave Chappelle in hiding, only to surface at an occasional Mos Def concert.

5 – On her way down to Washington with a busload of New Yorkers, Arianna Huffington will stop at Cracker Barrels all along the way to school intellectual inferiors in the Peg Game.

6 – One-upping Glenn Beck and his original copy of George Washington's inaugural address, Jon Stewart will read excerpts of the Ten Commandments from the stone tablets that Moses received at Mount Sinai.

7 – Outraged that the Daily Show labeled her CODE PINK crew as “loud folks” who interfere with civil rhetoric, Medea Benjamin will show up with her pastel posse to interfere with civil rhetoric.

8 – Perennial presidential candidate Vermin Supreme will officially announce his 2012 candidacy, volunteering to brush every last tooth on the National Mall.

9 – All proceeds from the urine-filled Michelle Malkin dunk tank will go to the Conservative Plastic Surgery Foundation for Jacko doppelganger Charles Krauthammer to complete his mutant makeover.