So in an effort to be more supportive, I’m taking positive steps toward repairing the marriage. I’ve decided to apply for the position of social chair for Babson’s “Partners Club.” Up until now, when it came to his education, my husband and I have been anything but partners. When he’d come home at night, brimming with enthusiasm over supply-and-demand curves or recruitment fairs, I’d hiss at him and demand a foot rub. (Of course, when he wanted to discuss the sexual drama unfolding between an exchange student and a dead-eyed Midwesterner in a nearby study group, I was always quite alert and, yes, even a bit gossipy. I regret this shallow behavior now.)
Let me explain my callous acts. There’s a history here. I stopped taking math in 11th grade. My last foray into the frightening world of numbers occurred in college, when I took a class involving drawing geometric designs on construction paper and going on shape-finding field trips to the library. I barely got a B. And even though those days of mathematical incompetence are behind me, they’ve never truly left me.
I still feel somewhat out of place during Babson gatherings. In fact, sometimes I liken myself to the star of a Discovery Channel show on deadbeat anti-capitalist freaks. After all, I work for myself. I’m a writer. I’ve never used an Excel spreadsheet. The only thing I’ve been recruited for lately is an abs makeover. And the idea of working in groups makes me want to bite someone.
But maybe this merely makes me a regular person — an inexperienced person with flaws and baggage, just like you. I think you can relate to me. And so, I humbly share my application here.
APPLICATION FOR SOCIAL CHAIR OF BABSON PARTNER’S CLUB
Which financial newspapers do you read?
All of them.
What qualifies you to be our Partners Club leader?
I am the wife of a fashion-disabled spouse. I have also been a small-business owner, in which I worked for a company of one.
Why do you want to be our social chair?
Look, I’m not going to answer these questions the way you want me to. Let me just say that my husband is a maverick. You will be working for him one day.
How are do you explain your lavish lifestyle, given the fact that your husband is a graduate student?
The luxury jet was over the top. I put it on eBay.
How would you describe your husband’s degree?
I consider it a Bridge to Nowhere.
Why do you want to support your husband in this way? Why can’t you simply support him at home?
Because it’s a long way from the fear and pain and squalor of a six-by-four cell in Arlington, living with me, to Babson College.
Will you provide us with ample alcohol and narcotics for our social gatherings?
I’ll try to find you some and bring them to you.
Epilogue: I was elected. Our first social outing is next week.
— Kara Baskin
