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The big hurt: Music news in brief

Wal-Mart wanes, Satan wins, Weiland whines
By DAVID THORPE  |  April 15, 2008

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Those of us still chuckling over DMX’s “your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack” diatribe are in for another dose of ill-informed rapper cuteness. In a recent interview with the Guardian, SNOOP DOGG broke a scandalous story: “The KKK gave Obama money. They was one of his biggest supporters.” This quote quickly spread to all sorts of news outlets, even getting to the point where Obama dignified it with a denial. Although few articles bothered to speculate on where Snoop might be getting his information, I’m guessing it was from a satirical article and popular e-mail forward that claims the KKK is supporting Obama because anyone is better than Hillary. Get it? Even though he’s part black. Get it?

Sketchy funding allegations aside, most coverage of the Snoop quote failed to mention that he was, in general, pretty pro-Obamic.

Wal-Mart, America’s longstanding Garth Brooks teat, has lost its status as our top music retailer. That title has been claimed by Apple’s iTunes store, largely on the strength of our girlfriends buying FEIST songs. “We launched iTunes less than five years ago, and it has now become the number one music retailer in the world,” said iTunes VP Eddie Cue. “We are thrilled to provide this unprecedented conduit between your girlfriend and Feist.”

Apple beware: MySpace is about to launch a music-download service of its own. The hundred-million-strong social network is poised to gobble up significant bits of the iTunes market share by creating a streamlined system to deliver MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE to your shithead little brother.

Here’s a whole new kind of objection to Guitar Hero: country-rocker CHARLIE DANIELS is complaining about the use of his hit “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” in the video game. Why? Because the Devil can win if you aren’t good enough to best his fiddlin.’ In a post on his Web site, Daniels explains: “I would never grant permission for some company to create a video-game version of a song I wrote in which the devil wins a contest, and I’m sorely disappointed with the company who owns the copyright for not policing the situation. As it is, they have allowed these people to violate the very essence of the song.” Daniels is powerless to erect any legal roadblocks, having lost the rights to the song years ago (in a fiddling contest with the Devil, I gather). “Pray for our troops,” he added.

Former musician PETE DOHERTY has been sentenced to a few months in jail for whatever it is he does. Can anyone still muster a shit?

MARIAH CAREY recently surpassed ELVIS PRESLEY’s record for the most US #1 singles by a solo artist. You may have felt a mild disturbance in the Force, as though a million rock fans had halfheartedly tried to figure a way to get outraged about it and then given up.

NEIL YOUNG, who for the past several decades has delighted in nothing so much as frustrating and thwarting his fans, is up to his old tricks. Rather than finalizing the release of his long-awaited Archives Vol. 1 box set, he’s announced that he’ll issue the fruitless and abandoned recording sessions for a planned 2000 album with CRAZY HORSE. According to Neil’s own Web site, “If you asked Crazy Horse about these sessions, you would learn that it was a depressing atmosphere and things were not going well. The band recorded there for months and came up with very little.” Yes, thanks, we’d much rather buy that than any of your legendary shelved albums (Chrome Dreams), long-unavailable greats (Time Fades Away), or classic unreleased material. Did I already say “Thanks”? Because, “Thanks.”

Misleading NME headline of the week: “RINGO STARR ‘beheaded’ in Liverpool.” (Editor’s note: It was actually a topiary of Starr. Same diff.)

Since I mentioned it in the last news round-up, I guess it’s my duty to keep you updated: SCOTT WEILAND has been booted from VELVET REVOLVER, and he’s continued his pissy little snit with the following press statement: “After reading the comment by Duff, Matt, Dave and the illustrious ‘GUITAR HERO,’ Saul Hudson, a.k.a Slash, I find it humorous that the so called four ‘founding members’ of Velvet Revolver, better known to themselves as ‘the Project’ before I officially named the band, would decide to move on without me after I had already claimed the group dead in the water on March 20 in Glasgow [blah blah blah].” Weiland closes with a tongue-in-cheek suggestion that SEBASTIAN BACH — an original candidate for the project’s lead-singer position — be brought in as his replacement. Is it just me or does that sound like a better band?

Related: The Big Hurt: Jammin’ with Nordstrom, The Big Hurt: Broken bones and stripper poles, Culture clash, More more >
  Topics: Music Features , Elvis Presley, Celebrity News, Entertainment,  More more >
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ARTICLES BY DAVID THORPE
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  •   THE BIG HURT: BROKEN BONES AND STRIPPER POLES  |  August 18, 2009
    Only a few weeks ago, I was making fun of Aerosmith for their inability to present Aerosmith in their Guitar Hero: Aerosmith Presents Aerosmith tour.
  •   THE BIG HURT: WOO WARE  |  August 11, 2009
    A friend of mine offered a suggestion: I should make a ton of money by compiling and selling the most foolproof ladykiller of a romantic mixtape ever conceived.
  •   THE BIG HURT: POP EROTICISM, FAUX SINCERITY, AND SPERM MOTILITY  |  August 05, 2009
    I am a man who loves a good corporate doofus, and this week's glistening-prize-hog-doofus quote goes to TOM WELCH , Wal-Mart's senior music buyer, who manages to make Foreigner sound even squarer than Foreigner.
  •   THE BIG HURT: STRUNG OUT  |  July 29, 2009
    A friend of mine is getting married soon, and she's been looking around for some classy wedding music.
  •   THE BIG HURT: MJ MURDER MYSTERY, AEROSMITH INJURIES  |  July 22, 2009
    Much as I hate to bring up Michael Jackson again, I was intrigued by sister La Toya's allegations that he was knocked off for his publishing assets.

 See all articles by: DAVID THORPE

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