Apparently I’ve done something to upset my editor. Why else would he keep assigning me these movies? It starts out innocently enough. “Do you want to review this new movie, Crank?” Sure, why not. Why not? Here’s why not: it’s a movie about a hitman who’s been shot up with a drug that will kill him as soon as his heart rate falls below a certain level. Kind of brilliant in its stupidity, but that’s as clever as anyone involved with this mess gets. Brian Taylor and Mark Neveldine, who together wrote and directed, seem to have skipped the most rudimentary classes in how to put together a film and gone straight to video games — though that may be an insult to video games. Even their attempts at gallows humor are pathetic, lines like “I’m going to kill you if it’s the last thing I do. And it might be the last thing I do.” Seriously, Peter. Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Now please stop making me see movies starring Jason Statham.
On the Web
Crank's official Web site://www.crankfilm.com/
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