Low-flying Hawk

Sports blotter: "A different sort of 'making it rain'" edition

March 21, 2007 3:39:47 PM

OFFENSIVE TIGHT END: Dropping used condoms on a neighbor’s deeck may be Jerramy Stevens’s foulest foul.

Welcome back Stevens
It has always surprised me that Seattle Seahawk tight end Jerramy Stevens didn’t figure more heavily in the sports-crime industry after he turned pro. When he left the University of Washington, Stevens looked to be a once-in-a-generation sports-crime talent, a Willie-Williams-meets-Darryl-Strawberry off-the-field type menace. After all, not many athletes are charged with rape, smashing a guy’s jaw with a baseball bat, and driving a truck while stoned into an old-folks’ home (plus, walking away before police arrive) before the age of 22. Stevens not only managed the feat, he also won a spot in the second round of the NFL draft. I expected big things from a guy who, before catching his first NFL pass, had cruised through a pro-football crime pentathlon: the Ricky Williams bongathon (weed), the Naeole vault (bar fighting), the 4-x-4 Janikowski relay (GHB-related offense), the Michael Pittman butt (ramming/using a car as a weapon), and the Rabih Abdullah jump (leaving the scene).

Stevens mostly stayed out of the news in his early years in the NFL, attracting attention mainly for underperforming. He did score a DUI in 2003, though, when police found two Champagne bottles in his car during a “routine traffic stop,” which should be renamed the black-guy-with-nice-car stop. Stevens also gained infamy among Vegas bettors after dropping several catchable bunnies in last year’s Super Bowl, which, coupled with some legendary bad calls, prevented the Hawks from covering.

This year, there were signs that bad news was on the way. A recent Seattle Times story indicated that Stevens’s neighbors had attempted to kick him out of his building. According to the paper, “One resident woke to find his deck splattered with vomit. Another found used condoms. Others told of being awakened at 3 am by loud fights, or were startled by strangers who partook of their patios. And they have had it. The noise, the fear and the man behind it . . .”

Finally, Stevens was busted last week for a DUI in Scottsdale, Arizona. The arresting officer wrote in his report: “As [Stevens] exited the truck he dropped his cell phone and wallet on the ground, bent down to pick them up, then stutter-stepped as he started to walk in my direction . . .”

In all likelihood, the Seahawks will cut bait with this guy, who, sadly, is one of the most talented athletes in the game. Stevens picks up 32 points for his DUI/weed possession arrest — 25 for the DUI and seven for the used condoms on his neighbor’s deck. That’s just nasty.

Jags the new Bengals?
The Jacksonville Jags are the clubhouse leaders for this year’s Bad NFL Citizens Award, a/k/a the Chris Henry Cup. Jags safety Gerald Sensabaugh became the second player on his team in as many weeks to get busted for a gun offense, after he was pulled over in his hometown of Kingsport, Tennessee. Sensabaugh was charged with speeding and “carrying arms.” His arrest comes just after backup wideout Charles Sharon was busted in Tampa for carrying a stolen firearm.

But wait, there’s more
As I write this very word, a woman has told police she was raped at the home of former Atlanta Falcon and new Denver Bronco defensive lineman Patrick Kerney. The unnamed woman said she accepted a ride from a bar to Kerney’s house, where a number of current and former Atlanta Falcons were partying. She reported feeling sleepy and then awoke to discover she was being raped. No player has yet been named in this story, but it sounds like someone pulled a 4-x-4 Janikowski relay job on this woman. We’ll let you know when we hear more details.

In any event, this is shaping up to be a horrifying off-season for the NFL. Forget about PacMan Jones; making headlines this week alone were Joey Porter and Levi Jones (who fought at a casino, with Porter racking up an assault charge; Jones, incidentally, was robbed in that incident), as well as Tank Johnson, who was sentenced to four months in prison for parole violations and went inside this week. Cardinals assistant Richie Anderson was also arrested on solicitation charges; Steelers DB Deshea Townsend was busted for simple assault; Rams tight end Dominique Byrd was nabbed for a DUI; and a half dozen others from various teams were handed mostly drug- or alcohol-related charges. Expect things to cool off for a while, as players report to off-season workouts this week.

When he’s not googling “used condoms” and “catchable bunnies,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached at M_Taibbi@yahoo.com .