He’s got a mad handle
Beautiful, touching story coming out of Manhattan, where New Jersey Nets all-world point guard Jason Kidd stands accused first of groping an aspiring plus-sized model, then of giving her an impromptu lesson in physics after she objected to his treatment.
According to various news reports, at around 2:30 on the morning of October 10, in a West Village nightclub called Tenjune, Kidd walked over to the would-be model — described repeatedly in reports as “plus-sized” or “tubby” — and grabbed her by the crotch. When the woman objected to the treatment, a fracas broke out between the 6-4 Kidd and the woman, at which point Kidd allegedly said to her, “If we got in a fight, who do you think would win?”
Kidd then allegedly groped her a second time after the “fight,” with his hands moving over her “buttocks and crotch.” At some point, bouncers at the club intervened and made sure that the woman and Kidd were seated at separate tables, far away from each other.
Management at Tenjune said they received no reports from the woman of inappropriate behavior. Kidd, meanwhile, issued a statement: “This accusation is a complete fabrication and it is sad that someone would make something like this up.”
Kidd has been in the papers for this sort of thing before. In 2001, he was arrested after his ex-wife, Joumana Kidd, claimed he slapped her in the face during an argument. He pleaded guilty to spousal abuse and was ordered to pay a crippling $200 fine, as well as attend anger-management class.
Kidd’s alleged statement, sarcastically noting that he could beat up any woman, stands in odd opposition to his recent claims, in court papers, of having been physically abused by Joumana. He filed suit against his ex-wife, claiming that Joumana was “controlling and manipulative” and kicked, hit, punched and threw objects at him, all on a serial basis. Joumana countersued, calling J-Kidd a “serial abuser” who slept with nearly everyone in the Western Hemisphere, but Jason stood by his sad story.
Kidd’s claim put him in an elite group of athletes who have claimed abuse at the hands of wives or girlfriends, a list that includes the immortal Chuck Finley (beaten quite impressively by former Bachelor Party star Tawny Kitaen), Orioles pitcher Scott Erickson (who was bitten and injured on his pitching arm after carrying his girlfriend, Lisa, out of their apartment), Rams tight end Randy McMichael (who claimed he was hit first by his pregnant wife, Cawanna, before he teed off on her), pine-riding Detroit Pistons towel-waver Darvin Ham (assaulted with a bottle by his wife), and Green Bay Packers linebacker Tyrone Williams (doused with pepper spray and then cut along the arm by wife Shantel in ’02).
Lots of class being shown this year by New York–area point guards in general, with Stephon (“I am not of this planet”) Marbury delighting fans everywhere with the already-notorious “Are you going to get in the truck?” story in the Isiah Thomas trial. J-Kidd, who had previously been martyred here in Boston after our hometown fans taunted his wife during the Pierce–Walker playoff run years ago, now goes back into karmic debt with this offense. Give him 55 points for the crotch grab, pending an investigation.
Belichick’s annus horribilis
We recently had occasion to talk about the problems of blond-Mohawked Fresno State defensive tackle Jason Shirley, a guy who plays for a former Bill Belichick assistant, FSU head coach Pat Hill. It turns out Hill isn’t the only Belichick disciple to have some problems lately. At the University of Iowa, Belichick buddy Kirk Ferentz also has his hands full, in this case with two different arrest incidents.
The first involved a pair of sophomore Hawkeye wideouts, Dominique Douglas and Anthony Bowman. Back in August, these two geniuses took stolen credit cards and then went online using university computers (which require a login and ID to get to the Internet) and bought about $1500 in stuff from stores such as Sneakerhead and Hatworld. Criminal masterminds that Douglas and Bowman are, it took authorities about six minutes to catch the both of them. This past Thursday, they had their trial dates set, Douglas for December and Bowman next January; both players are suspended from the team indefinitely.
Ferentz had yet another surprise this past week, as sophomore running back Dana Brown was arrested for assaulting his live-in girlfriend. The charge was described as a “serious misdemeanor,” and Brown, too, was booted from the team. One wonders if Ferentz has any sophomores left on his roster.
Meanwhile, another Belichick guy — former Browns assistant and Dolphins head coach Nick Saban, now running the show in Alabama — watched one of his sophomore running backs, Roy Upchurch, plead guilty in a Tuscaloosa court earlier this month, following a disorderly conduct incident over the summer. Upchurch and two other Bama players, Brandon Fanney (who entered his own guilty plea on October 18) and Brandon Deadrick, were stopped by cops on the Tuscaloosa strip on July 14 and allegedly became abusive to police. When told by police that if he didn’t calm down they would call Saban, Upchurch reportedly replied, “Fuck him and fuck y’all. I don’t care.” My man!