Holy shit, Radiohead!, or, Thanks for nothing, Thom

Published Oct 01 2007, 08:25 PM by Carly Carioli

Dear dudes,

Thanks for deciding to fuck the music industry in all three holes by giving away your new album, In Rainbows, for free on the internet. Yes, we've heard the old saw that there’s nothing more expensive than free. And we appreciate your generosity in allowing us to pay whatever we feel like giving you when we download your DRM-free mp3s. This is a very bold and brilliant idea, and we can’t think of a band we’d rather see come up with it. Just one problem: it’s a fucking scam. You tossers.

Once we read the fine print, it became apparent that your “pay what you will” philosophy was just a smokescreen for a marketing plan that owes far more to conservative, old-world distribution plans than the blogosphere realizes. Let’s start by outlining what’s actually happening: beginning October 10, In Rainbows will be released in two very different packages. The free-download version (or, we should say, the email-us-a-few-bucks-if-you-want version) contains 10 songs, no extraneous packaging or information, all spartan and Fugazi-like. The deluxxx model is an $80 boxset that adds a double-LP, the CD version of the album, a bonus disc of additional tunes, and an original, signed copy of the Magna Carta, shipped directly from England sometime on or before December 3. At some point in the indeterminate future, In Rainbows will be released in something approximating traditional CD form. By someone, somewhere. You might be able to buy it in a store, even.

With one fell swoop, you’ve solved the blood-from-a-stone riddle that’s been plaguing the music industry since Napster: to wit, how do you get people to pay for free music? “Give it away” might seem a strange answer, unless you’ve been breathing for the past seven years. Everyone was going to download the album for free anyway, so you might as well do it yourself and pass the hat while you’re at it. From the perspective of a band that knows its albums will be file-traded, every penny donated is a penny more than you’d have got otherwise. And if you’re a downloader, why would you bother googling for a zshare link when you can go right up to the front door and grab it from Radiohead themselves? Once you’re there, you might even feel guilty enough to PayPal them your allowance.

So, sure, “giving the album away for free” is genius PR. It’s thinking waaaay outside the box. If someone’s keeping a doomsday clock for the CD as a viable medium, please wind it another hour closer to midnight.

The amazing part about your plan, Mssrs Radiohead, is that if fans want the “object” – the physical manifestation of the music – you, Radiohead, are willing to gouge people for far more than the traditional record industry would ever dream of. I mean, I was pretty pissed when I had to pay $19 for a Madonna record. But I’ll blow David Geffen before I pay $80 for a Radiohead album. And before you Radiohead fans start typing, “Hey asshole, they’re giving the album away for FREE, remember?,” well, last time I checked, “Down Is the New Up” is on the fucking bonus disc. And I love “Down Is the New Up.”

Of course, Thom, you know as well as I do that I’m not paying $80 for “Down Is the New Up.” I’m gonna illegally download that bitch from Oink, or from someone who got it from Oink who puts up a sendspace.com link, and I’m not gonna feel bad about it. I might even PayPal you the going iTunes rate, if iTunes doesn’t make like Tower Records and croak now that Amazon.com is selling DRM-free mp3s and the Biggest Bands In the Universe are suddenly giving their records away on their own sites. Insert cute cat photo with “I can havz it free?” caption here.

If In Rainbows is a model for how the music business is going to pan out, being a music fan is going to get really weird, innit? The album becomes an objet-d'art destined for well-heeled connisseurs. The digital download becomes a freebie that nobody pays for. And the CD-as-we-know-it goes straight to the cut-out bin (or the Wal Mart sale rack) several months after the fact, so your mom still has something to buy you for Christmas. So congratulations, Radiohead. You just ruined everything!

Except that you didn’t. Go back and read that last graph again: What’s so genius about the marketing plan for In Rainbows isn’t that it’s some radically new vision of music-industry-future. It’s simply a realistic reflection of how the music industry actually works right now. It ain’t what we grew up with, but it is crushingly simple:

Down is the new up, motherfuckers.

Filed Under: blatant exploitation, Full Album Leaks, mp3, music news, Rocknroll

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20 Comments

fart said:

wahhhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhh

October 1, 2007 8:41 PM
c said:

can't really back you here, will

October 1, 2007 9:04 PM
OTD said:

Will is not the author of this post.

-OTD

p.s.: Fart, we are huge fans of your body of work.

October 1, 2007 9:10 PM
streightangular said:

this was one of the most entertaining posts I've read on the "in Rainbows" subject. even pitchfork said this was going to fuck with the record industry, but it seems like Radiohead is just fucking with everyone. I guess that's pretty rock'n'roll.

October 2, 2007 1:50 AM
master_genius said:

regardless of how people feel about Radiohead's move, this post, as i was reading it, had the intensity of a fucking brick to the face. well written is an understatement. rants like that are why blogs still have value as a medium; they cut through the shit and express an opinion, plain and simple, with all the tact of a dying nation.

i like it. and i hope to read more like it. gets the blood flowing.

October 2, 2007 12:10 PM
Ryan of the RSL said:

While I am a Radiohead enthusiast, I actually have declined to write on or hype this or any other alternative "packaging" media blitz attempts. And I won't even mention it on my webpage until I have actually heard the music.

I like the option for bands to release "special packages" for those fans who actually elect to buy the physical CDs or LPs.

As for Radiohead's $80 price tag for the first iteration of the hard copy release - just ridiculous! I cannot agree with the practice of price gouging. To hurt those financially who love you the most is just a little sadistic. Shame.

Radiohead - isn't this just a shit-ton of hype for material that nobody has even heard yet.??? Just release the damn CD and make your money.

By the way - Nice write-up OTD, you sensationalist bastards.

October 2, 2007 3:07 PM
zomg said:

I think it's wonderful that the Phoenix is allowing 8 year olds to write on their blogs. Kudos, Boston Phoenix!

October 2, 2007 7:05 PM
... said:

get over yourself

October 3, 2007 12:45 AM
OTD said:

We were hoping to get well-argued counterpoint in this thread. Stupid us, it's just the internet, so no chance. As it happens, we got a pretty smart, awesome email from a friend of ours who has a very good argument in favor of the Radiohead-ization of music, which we'll post as soon as we get permission. In the meantime, can someone please say something interesting for fuck's sake?

October 3, 2007 3:43 AM
zomg said:

"can someone please say something interesting for fuck's sake?"

You first.

October 3, 2007 1:55 PM
JOHN WILSON said:

X1FM RADIO - INTERNET RADIO HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!!

SO CHECK IT, LOG ONTO WWW.X1FMRADIO.COM

WE ARE INTERNET ONLY RADIO, WHICH IS LOVED BY MANY ARTISITS BECAUSE IT IS HEARD AROUND THE WORLD & SMALL ARTISTS HAVE A CHANCE AT GETTING HEARD WHICH IS BETTER THAN A CAR RADIO, WHICH IS ONLY A SELECT FEW SONGS BEING PLAYED, RE-PLAYED & PLAYED OUT, & I KNOW U KNOW WHAT I MEAN..BUT WITH OUR STATION, WE PLAY ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF SONGS, AND HAVE LIVE INTERVIEWS ALL THE TIME W/POPULAR & UPCOMING ALTERNATIVE ARTISTS..CHECK US OUT & LEVE SOME FEEDBACK, THANKS GUYS!!

October 3, 2007 11:59 PM
dany said:

so does this blog just take anyone that thinks they can write? just because you speak the language doesn't mean you can actually write in the language

October 4, 2007 3:01 AM
big al said:

so.... what's the REAL problem? you haven't said anything of value in your article!!!!

it just seems like you are mad that you must take an extra step to get your bonus song for free via oink. you lived your life without that song - you can't wait until dec???

October 4, 2007 10:32 AM
David Day said:

I don't quite get this rant. You want to pay money for Down is the New Up? How about you just buy one of the new tracks from their website, pay money for that, and get down is the new up from one of 1,000,000,000 other people?

October 4, 2007 6:40 PM
Tchock said:

Radiohead doesnt fucking care if you pirate it you uninformed fuck. go to hell

October 10, 2007 10:19 PM

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Holy shit, Radiohead!, or, Thanks for nothing, Thom

20 Comments

fart said:

c said:

OTD said:

streightangular said:

master_genius said:

Ryan of the RSL said:

zomg said:

... said:

OTD said:

zomg said:

JOHN WILSON said:

dany said:

big al said:

David Day said:

Tchock said:

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