Barack Obama is @#$% tired of this @#$%!
(Or, a NSFW
plan to ram the stimulus bill home, told via downloadable mp3 ring tones.)
In his
bestselling autobiography, Dreams From My Father,
President Obama introduces us to his high school friend, “Ray,” who,
like him, is bi-racial. Who, also like him, is casting about to find his place
in the world. But, who, unlike him,
has a potty mouth that would make a sailor blush.
Best of
all? When reading the audiobook version of his bio, Obama
does impressions of Ray’s manner of
speech. Swear words and all. It’s fucking awesome. And it’s a way of talking we
probably won’t be hearing from him now that he’s POTUS.
Or will we?
In case you
haven’t heard, it’s becoming clearer by the day that Obama is losing the
communication war, and ceding this stimulus battle to the GOP. (It that
article doesn’t get the point across, read this one too.)
He’s
starting to amp up the rhetoric. But it’s not enough.
It’s time
to stop this mealy-mouthed stuff about bipartisanship altogether. It’s
pointless. Those flat-earth
neanderthals are just gonna throw it back in his face.
No, it’s
time for Obama to lay it all out on the table.
Time to start
talking tough.
What’s he
got to be afraid of? Rush Limbaugh?
Fuck no! Say
it loud!
“You know that
guy ain’t shit. Sorry-ass motherfucker ain’t got nothing on me.” (MP3)
So let’s
roll up our sleeves and cut to the chase.
Sure, it’s
a complicated bill. But all these revisions
and amendments and cuts and counterproposals and compromises? Ridiculous. Enough’s
enough.
It’s time
for the Prez to say it plain:
“This
shit’s getting way too complicated for me.” (MP3)
Spending.
Spending, spending, spending then more spending. Simple as that. Let’s stimulate this
shit.
There’s
opposition, of course. But next time guys like John
Boehner or Mitch
McConnell try to pull that obstructionist crap, or make the ludicrous claim
that all we need to pull this economy out of its nosedive is a slew of new tax
cuts, Obama should have no compunction about telling
the truth to their faces:
“There are
white folks, and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.” (MP3)
Intense negotiations
can make for a hefty appetite. So, sure, let’s take a break for lunch.
But if
someone like that lunatic Rep. Walter B. Jones — co-perpetrator of what may be the nadir of
this great nation’s long history: “Freedom Fries” — tries get too grabby, he’ll
soon find out he’s got another thing coming.
“You ain’t my
bitch, nigga! Buy your own damn fries!” (MP3)
Prediction:
reconvening for an afternoon bargaining sessions after that postpartisan repast, the
Republicans will find themselves chastened by this new, utterly unexpected foul-mouthed
assertiveness. The GOP will fall in line.
In fact,
some will be so smitten with Obama's take-no-prisoners stylee, one so atypical
of normally weak-willed Dems, that they’ll wanna hang out with him. You just
watch: even Jim
DeMint will want the secret digits to his BlackBerry.
After thinking for a moment, the president will indulge him.
“Sure you can
have my number, baby!” (MP3)
And then, with
the economy saved and the world grateful for it, it’ll be time for Obama the conquering hero to hit the town
with his enforcer
Michelle, wading his way through the adoring throngs.
“Blam!” (MP3)
