Boston Apple Store announces iPhone 3G onsale details

If you thought the around-the-block lines for the Boylston Street Apple Store opening were nuts, just wait'll Friday -- when they've actually got something new to sell. We hate iPhone hype as much as anyone, but we want one anyway -- even though by owning one we realize we'll be consigning ourselves to serial douchebaggery every time we light the bitch up to conspicuously check email in 3D or whatever it this these magical devices supposedly do.

Details as follows: Apple Store opens 8 a.m. Friday, but they're warning people to show up early -- perhaps because they really will sell out of 'em, maybe because they're banking on the photo-op as thousands of jackasses fistfight each other for an iPod you can call your mom on . . . most likely both. "When you arrive," notes the press release, "a Concierge in an orange shirt will direct you to the iPhone bay where you can take advantage of our free Personal Setup. A Specialist will help you choose an iPhone 3G, review coverage maps, select a rate plan, and — best of all — have your new iPhone 3G ready to make calls, browse the web, and receive email right on the spot." Wait, no 3D? Orange shirts? What the fuck?

For retards who've never bought a phone before, Apple has helpfully delineated what you need to bring with you to the Apple Store if you're buying one of these -- note that you should also remember your keys, your shoes, and an extra pair of underwear for when you shit yourself with buyer's remorse or pee yourself with joy, depending on how things turn out:

What to bring.

To purchase and activate iPhone 3G, you need the following:

• Credit card
• Social security number
• Valid, government-issued photo ID
• Your current wireless account number and password or PIN (if you’re new to AT&T)

We suppose you could also just wait a couple of days and avoid the mayhem. But we're hoping you all just flock to the store the night before and send us photos of yourselves geeking out.