Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 23-year-old man and have been lusting after my sister. She is 28 and recently divorced, so she has been spending a lot of time with me lately. I know this is supposed to be very wrong, but I really don’t know what to do. Obviously, I can’t talk to anyone I know about this. No one else even looks good to me anymore. What should I do?
_A.C.
Dear A.C.,
Doctor Lovemonkey is not an actual doctor, and he has no educational or professional background in counseling. When a letter comes in with what appears to be a serious problem -- and yours, A.C., is a serious problem -- I encourage the writer to seek real professional help.
The online trail
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
About five years ago, I met this man online. He lives in England, and I live in Canada. We struck up a great friendship, but because of the geographical distance and how we were each only 19, we decided to remain friends. Shortly thereafter, I met and fell in love with another man. We became engaged and were in the process of buying a house together when, last summer, I caught him in bed with another woman. Naturally, I promptly ended things. A few months later, I got an e-mail from my old friend in England and we sort of picked up where we left off. I am now 24, and scared to death because I have fallen in love with him. He is coming to see me in May, and then he wants me to move to England with him for a year before he moves here. I am fine with this, but can Internet relationships work? I am old enough to know the right thing to do, and in my heart I believe this is right, but am I crazy for falling for someone over the ’Net? Has this worked out for anyone?
_Donna from Canada
Dear Donna,
There are many stories of successful relationships that grew out of Internet friendships. There are probably even more stories of relationships that did not work out. That would be a lot like the stories of successful and failed relationships in which people met through more conventional means.
But you should slow down. The plan for him to come and stay with you, and then for you to return with him to England, and then go back to Canada is way too premature. Yes, have him visit and then really get to know each other. Forget about all the plans, though, because you don’t yet know each other well enough to get locked into things that may prove unpleasant or difficult to change. Take it one step at a time and see if you really do hit it off as well as real, living breathing people. Remember that your last, unfortunate relationship has nothing to do with this one. It sounds like even though you had more of an opportunity to know your former fiancé well, it wasn’t well enough. Don’t let that happen here. Your English friend could be the one, but this will take time to discover. Enjoy the discovery process.
Email the author
Dr Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
