How do you film Stephenie Meyer's unfilmable Breaking Dawn? Bill Condon, the Oscar-winner who directs the penultimate installment in the series, doesn't even try. Instead, he delivers a movie so expurgated that some scenes will be inscrutable to those who haven't slogged through the novel. Condon plays Bella's violent wedding night with abstinence-poster vamp Edward (Robert Pattinson) for morning-after laughs, and makes a barely anesthetized C-section look not so bad. In between, friends try to talk Bella (Kristen Stewart) out of having a baby that will kill her, and Stewart does a Christian Bale; images of her skeletal frame on the operating table will surely become staples of pro-ana sites. A wolf council with dubbed growls may be the most ludicrous scene of the year, but a rumble with chic vampires punching CGI werewolves comes close. At least Michael Sheen's intercredit scene promises that Part 2 will be more fun.
