More bad news from over-capacity nuclear bad-news plant AMY WINEHOUSE: she's cancelled the rest of her European tour after a disastrous performance in Belgrade — during which she showed up late, forgot her lyrics, and did an impersonation of a drunk Dudley Moore that was as uncannily accurate as it was unintentional.
Video of the flubbed show quickly made the Internet rounds. Can't a girl catch a break? Twenty years ago, the singer from EMF could have huffed ether and peed himself onstage in whatever country Serbia was back then and nobody inthat the goddamn tattletale Internet exists, people in significant nations actually hear about it. Dirty pool, I say!
In a recent interview with Billboard, hated LIMP BIZKIT perpetrator Fred Durst revealed that his band doesn't even listen to the genre they helped create. "We're a rap-rock band. We're Limp Bizkit. We might individually like different things, and none of us listen to rap-rock, but when we get together in a band room, that's what we make." Ever heard of the golden rule, you big jerk? If you don't like shitty music, don't inflict it on others.
The long-dormant Bizkit is shaking off an extended hiatus, having not issued a new record since 2005. Just think: if a child was born on the day of its release, it would now be old enough to write better rhymes than Fred Durst. But finally, the rough Bizkit beast, its original line-up come round again, slouches toward the bargain-bin to to be born; their new coaster, Gold Cobra, hit coffee tables June 28.
Elsewhere in "Where are they now?" news, unbearable Glee-academy Christian goths EVANESCENCE are finally set to release the nerd-awaited follow-up to their last album, I'm Not Going to Look it Up, which came out all the way back in I Don't Give a Shit When.
311's forthcoming effort, Universal Pulse, was originally conceived as a concept album about space travel, singer Nick Hexum told Billboard. Tragically, his band declined to follow his grand vision, and now the album is just going to be plain old shitty instead of hilariously shitty.
Some people think music writing is pretty soft compared to being a war correspondent or whatever, but I listened to a Limp Bizkit song and an Evanescence song tonight. That has to be a million times worse than anything that's ever happened in Libya.
I'm joking, but look, MORRISSEY actually is that big of a jerk: in an interview with the Telegraph, he said that the Queen of England is "the ultimate dictator." He goes on: "And of course, if the British people decided tomorrow that the Queen must go, then the Queen wouldn't hesitate to turn her tanks on the British people. It would happen." So, watch the news much, homeboy? Your dictatorship is a bummer, but it could perhaps be a tiny bit worse.
I'm obviously not being fair to Morrissey, the nuance of his opinion, the context in which he expressed it, or his right to use a little hyperbole once in a while. But then again, as a member of the press, there's nothing I enjoy more than taking things Morrissey says out of context. Here, I'll throw in another one. A little later in the interview, he talks about running down cats in his car: "If I see one in the street I feel immediately drawn to the cat."
Headline of the week, from Billboard: "TAKE THAT Re-Release Tops UK Album Chart; Example Single Remains at No. 1" Where can I get an "Example Single"? Is that like those hi-fi stereo demo records from the '60s?
DAVID THORPE | email@example.com