Holy Everglades, Batman!

A 'gator in the biggest little; angry Americans are still angry; a few great women
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  September 1, 2010

What a shock to see the discovery of an alligator at Sissons Pond in Portsmouth! Based on the photographs, Phillipe and Jorge reckon it has to be the largest reptile ever seen in the Biggest Little outside of the State House.

If the gator can be captured, we would recommend keeping it at Roger Williams Zoo for the winter, and then releasing it into a pond at a Vo Dilun golf course once the weather warms up next year. It would allow the local hackers to get a feel for that Deep South/Florida links experience.

There is nothing quite like watching someone go look for a ball near a water hazard, then shriek and jump about 10 feet into the air when unexpectedly stumbling on a five-foot alligator lazing on the bank with his jaws wide open, yawning in the sunshine. Especially good if you are playing a match against that person, whose hands will then be shaking like Tiger Woods's as he tried to explain to Elin what he'd been up to with the skanks (excuse us, ladies) prior to last Thanksgiving. Good luck with that putting stroke, Tarzan.


CLUELESS

What a bold proposal by Providence mayoral candidate and House Finance Committee chairman Steven Costantino, who suggested community policing in Providence. Ravioli Boy was apparently unaware that the local constabulary has had a program in place for the past seven years that directly matched up against his suggestions. Don't get out much anymore, Stevie?

That nicely hung out to dry his spokesmodel, P+J's old pal Jennifer Bramley, who could not offer a Urinal reporter any specifics in regard to this exercise in redundancy, and naturally Costantino himself didn't offer a statement. Those State House leadership habits die hard, but unfortunately real campaigns for office actually require one to be accountable.

There are many reasons P+J think that electing Costantino mayor is a bad idea for the City of Providence. The predominant item to be noted is that as House Finance chair, he was at the wheel of the car when the state economy and budgetary process went off the cliff.


HONOR THIS!

Let's see.

Those two professional nitwits, racist loony Glenn Beck and shrieking, delusional, and just plain dumb harridan Sarah Palin, hold a huge rally in D.C. this past weekend entitled "Restoring Honor," frothing over how Americans have to repo our country and turn it back over to God, who we suspect they presume to be the original owner.

P+J will leave the weighty journalistic questions — whether the crowd amounted to 100,000 religious freaks and Tea Party "Angry Anglos," as the aerial photos would suggest, or 500,000, as congenital fact distorter Beck claims — to the major TV networks and Rupert Murdoch's good Germans at Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.

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