The week’s neglected press releases

The Big Hurt
By DAVID THORPE  |  February 15, 2012

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Another slog through the PR dregs — because if I didn't do it, who would?

THE FOOL FUNNEL RELEASES DEBUT ALBUM

Wow! It's extraordinary to see such earthshaking news buried in an obscure band's press release. The doctors of the world have been pulling the wool over our eyes, and one band holds the key to saving millions of lives:

Phoenix, AZ, Feb 6, 2012 (Press Release): Arizona-based indie rock project The Fool Funnel releases controversial album entitled The Cure for Cancer Revealed. The album's title track claims that cancer is curable and the medical community knows of the cure. The is [sic] multi-genre and has many radio-friendly tracks. The album is available on Spotify, Amazon, and iTunes along with many Internet radio stations.

I headed straight for Spotify to investigate the album's title track, but the medical establishment was one step ahead of me — the song clearly contained important information, but the lyrics had been rendered completely inaudible by some kind of audio production sabotage! Big Pharma had buried the truth under a oatmealy slurry of guitar noise, and only fragments of intelligible phrases remained: " . . . research . . . the cure in 2004 . . . studies, based on events. . . . "

The band's Web site leads to a domain parking page; they've probably been assassinated by industrialized medicine. The good news is that, after I listened to it half a dozen times to try to make out the words, the track kind of grew on me; it's cute, in a weird-Eraserhead-baby sort of way. I wound up listening to the whole record, and several of the tunes were indeed "radio friendly," in that they could be played on a radio without damaging it (or I guess just played at a radio without damaging it).


JOE FRANCIS VS. MADONNA IN SUPER BOWL SHOWDOWN

This one didn't quite slip through the cracks, as it was lightly bandied about in the press. Still, a sleazy boob felon putting the squeeze on Madonna warrants a look-see:

Madonna's upcoming album features a track called "Girls Gone Wild," and the guy who created the teen-flasher video series of the same name is all wadded up about it:

This morning, a cease and desist letter was sent to Madonna, her management, NBC Sports, and the NFL from Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis's attorney. In the letter, attorney David Houston asserts that Madonna is infringing on his client's long-time trademark, Girls Gone Wild, without his permission.

Francis ended with, "Don't get me wrong, I'm a Madonna fan, but business is business. Maybe the Material Girl and I can work this out over drinks."

This particular disagreement was clearly solved without bloodshed, since "Girls Gone Wild" wasn't the track performed at halftime. But it remains to be seen whether Joe Francis will try to squeeze Madonna for the actual album release. Something tells me he will. My advice to Madonna is to enter an extremely costly legal battle, because the alternative is working something out with Joe Francis over drinks. Yecch. To avoid that waking nightmare, no price is too high.


NORMAN GREENBAUM'S SPIRIT IN THE SKY STILL POPULAR IN 2012

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