Recap: all your summer songs

If you've noticed a slowdown in OTD's blog-surfing posts, it might have something to do with our discovery of Chinese bootleg internet TV portals that allow us to watch the World Cup on ESPN without leaving our desks. Sorry. Nonetheless, the summer plows forward. Since people are already laying odds on what's destined to be this year's official summer jam, we figured we'd better get back in the game.

THE SONG: Beyonce and Jay-Z, "Deja Vu."
THE VERDICT: Deja dud. What's up with all the tried and trues dropping megaton clunkers? (We're looking at you, Janet Jackson, and your shitty Nelly collabo too.) If it was possible to send this song to summer school, we'd be taking up a collection. As it is, we sentence Mr & Mrs Jigga to listen to the following remedial lesson in summertime landminery:
DOWNLOAD: Ne-Yo feat. Joe Budden, "Sexy Love (Remix)" (mp3)

THE SONG: Nelly Furtado, "Promiscuous Girl"
THE VERDICT: Sure, that Christina Aguilera/DJ Premier track grows on you, but it doesn't make you turn tumblesaults the way Timbo and Nelly F. do. Now that we've spent a few weeks with Loose, we're pretty sure this is gonna do those Gwen/Kelly Clarkson numbers. You could go five, six singles deep on this record, and some unlikely people are showing up to give the big hits some legs. There are remixes waiting in the wings for when the streets catch up. And that's before they get to the rock shit and the new-wave shit and the token-Prince-song-that's-totally-genius shit.
DOWNLOAD: Nelly Furtado and Rick Ross, "Promiscuous (Remix)" (mp3)
DOWNLOAD: Nelly Furtado and Lil Wayne, "Maneater (Remix)" (mp3)

THE SONGS: Jessica Simpson, "A Public Affair"; Paris Hilton, "Stars Are Blind," "Turn It Up"; Fergie, "London Bridge"
THE VERDICT: So if Beyonce comes out with a crappy single, and Janet Jackson puts out a crappy single, and suddenly the radio is all like what are we gonna do until the Justin Tumberlake single comes out?, then all the sudden a Jessica Simpson song has a chance. Especially when every time it comes on the radio, half the audience thinks its listening to Madonna's "Holiday." (If you b'lieve the Star, Jess has Madonnas "blessing.") Just being honest: OTD will not turn this song off if it comes on. Even if we'd be way more psyched if the radio would take a look at the other Simpson, who has a halfway decent Missy Elliott remix floating around. But like, seriously, who the fuck is minding the store at Superstar Divas, Inc.? SONG SELECTION, PEOPLE. How is it that Paris Hilton is getting better joints than J. Lo? Who do we have to punch in the face for that? (To answer our own rhetorical question: thanks a lot, Scott Storch, you cocksucker.)
DOWNLOAD: Ashlee Simpson and Missy Elliott, "L.O.V.E. (Remix)" (mp3)
DOWNLOAD: Justin Timberlake, "Sexy Back" (mp3)

THE SONG: Fergie, "London Bridge"
THE VERDICT: You might as well listen to this. Yes, it's the Black Eyed Pee-er's solo debut. Yes, it's "My Humps 2." Yes, you're going to hate yourself for dancing to it. Don't even bother trying to stop this song from happening. The dudes shouting "Oh shit" over the verses must have realized, and usued as their motivation, that they were gonna be stuck hearing this song every seven minutes from now til Labor Day.
DOWNLOAD: Fergie, "London Bridge" (mp3, via FergieFan)
DOWNLOAD: Khia, "Snatch the Cat Back (Remix)" (mp3)
DOWNLOAD: Lady Sovereign, "Love Me Or Hate Me" (mp3)

THE SONG: Kelly Clarkson, "Go"
THE VERDICT: It appears that Kelly's debuting two, maybe three new songs on her current tour -- none of which is this one, currently all up in your grill as the official theme song of a large american automaker's latest ad campaign. Not sure we'd hate this if it wasn't a car commercial, although it is not what we love her for: if she never makes another good song, the second album was Thriller-good. Standing behind it. Foxboro tween-poppers about to release their sophomore slump need to pay attention.
DOWNLOAD: JoJo, "Too Little, Too Late" (mp3, via KeviPod)

THE SONGS: Outkast, "Morris Brown," "Idlewild Blues"
THE VERDICT: Rushed to the blogs after the offering of a first single elicted a collective "ehhh," these two tracks have been received -- inexplicably -- with a sigh of relief by the blogosphere, which has roundly praised both and begun to cautiously lay the groundwork for a collective thumbs up. Ummm . . . not hearing it. "Idlewild" is fine if you like 1-4-5 bar-band blues and "Hey Ya" and aren't yet bored by either. "Morris" is Big Boi's artier, clankier statement with populist matching band fanfares. If we wanted throwback shit, we'd listen to throwback shit.
DOWNLOAD: Diplomats, "Goonies" (mp3, via SmokingSection)
DOWNLOAD: Ric Ross & Dre, "Blow" (mp3; those synths rocking the Pat Benatar "Love Is A Battlefield" progression are just, like begging -- PLEASE MASH ME UP)
DOWNLOAD: Young Cash, "Uno, Dos" (mp3)

THE SONG: The Rapture, "W.A.Y.U.H."
THE VERDICT: Once again, record label leaks wrong non-single; bloggerazi groan; label forced to release actual single. Yes, the joint to get from the rapidly-leaking new Rapture disc is "Get Myself Into It," which jacks the NIN beat that NIN jacked from DFA, thereby circumventing everyone's fears that without the DFA behind the boards the new Rapture would suck.
DOWNLOAD: If that's not enough to impress your hipster friends, we suggest you go disco dancing with TTC, Spank Rock, and Amanda Blank.