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Review: Spread

God, is it uncomfortable
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  August 19, 2009
1.5 1.5 Stars

 

If only there were some way to watch a con-artist houseboy give his cougar sugar mama a squirming reach-around, charm the pants off a candy-necklace string of countless empty-eyed Hollywood stick figures, lose his heart to an untouchable social chameleon, and, in the process, find himself. If only Ashton Kutcher would flaunt his bare ass, lather and shave some pussy, and feign his way through the cheapest American Gigolo ripoff since, well, American Gigolo.  

WATCHAshton Kutcher's Skype interview

If only . . . wait! There is! It's David Mackenzie's Spread. And God, is it uncomfortable!

Kutcher swaggers his way through this fuckfest suckfest as Nikki, a broke but synthetically charming Hef wanna-be who preys on rich old maids. Enter Anne Heche, whose attorney Samantha is so desperate to cling to her youth — and her youthful suitor — that she shells out for a vagina tuck. Yum! When Nikki meets his match in equally conniving waitress Heather (Margarita Levieva), he falls in love, only to find that being on the receiving end of a bedroom Ponzi scheme blows harder than an aspiring actress from Michigan.

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    If only there were some way to watch a con-artist houseboy give his cougar sugar mama a squirming reach-around, charm the pants off a candy-necklace string of countless empty-eyed Hollywood stick figures, lose his heart to an untouchable social chameleon, and, in the process, find himself .
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