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BIEBERWATCH! Though our wee lad is scarcely old enough to develop a musky scent of his own, he's already prepping his second commercial fragrance. Whereas his first — "My World" — was a unisex scent for all fans, his upcoming perfume is strictly for the ladies. "I wanted to create a fragrance for my female fans that I can't get enough of," said Biebs in the press release. "That I want to get next to and I can't stay away from."

The scent is called "Someday," with the ad tagline "Never Let Go." The implication is clear: if you diligently douse yourself in this fruity aroma every day, your dream of being whisked away by Bieber will one day be real. That's precisely what happens in the commercial: a girl puffs some on her neck, and Justin Bieber shows up in her room and raptures her up into the clouds, flies her around a bit, nuzzles her neck, and chastely fucks off.

Or maybe not so chastely: some quick shots flash by of the girl's hand opening to reveal a heart pendant with a keyhole in it and a little key, and we all know what that means: Bieber deflowered the heck out of this girl because her scent was so irresistible. And, for $35 an ounce, you could be that girl. Someday.

I was left dumbfounded by a Billboard.com story about major-label "indie" rockers FOSTER THE PEOPLE, best (and only) known for their debut single, "Pumped Up Kicks," which sounds inevitably bound for a Target commercial. The headline of the piece is "Foster the People Attracts Hipsters, Moms with 'Pumped Up Kicks' Single," and its basic thesis — one seemingly endorsed by the band and its label — is that the single is a success because it's tepid, derivative, and not especially hip.

According to Mike DiPippa of Columbia Records, "One of the reasons it has done so well is that while it's left-of-center for what traditionally has worked at many alternative radio stations, it's not too cool for the room." Hence the moms: "We played a show in Minneapolis and there was a 60-year-old woman just going crazy," singer Mark Foster boasts.

Forgive the nested quotes in this bit: " ' "Pumped Up Kicks" is one of those songs that blends something really familiar with something that's very modern,' Foster says of the broad appeal of the song, which boasts a laid-back, lo-fi '60s vibe, a slick bassline, and an undeniably catchy chorus. 'It's a song where you could lay on the couch and listen to it or you can get up and dance around the room to it.' " Is it just me, or could that description easily apply to Smash Mouth's "Walking on the Sun"?

Though rumors that BOB DYLAN once dabbled with a bit of dragon-chasing have floated around for some time, a recently revealed interview from 1966 candidly confirms it. "I kicked a heroin habit in New York City," Dylan told interviewer Robert Shelton, later the author of No Direction Home. "I got very, very strung out for a while. . . . I had about a $25-a-day habit and I kicked it."

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ARTICLES BY DAVID THORPE
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