shakira
It seemed a little suspicious when, hours after WHITNEY HOUSTON's death, the prices of her various greatest hits albums shot up by several pounds in the UK iTunes store. After some public outcry, Sony blamed the price hike on "employee error" and "corrected" the "mistake." Thank you, Sony, for this swift response and likely fucking story.

Billboard reveals that songwriter RYAN TEDDER— coauthor of some tracks on Adele's 21 — wants to shoehorn Azealia Banks and Lana Del Rey into some kind of weird hipster jerk-off fantasy collaboration. Is there anybody in the world who'd actually want to hear that, aside from Billboard magazine writers and shitty pop songhacks with dollar signs in their eyes? The good news is that the collabo probably won't happen, since Tedder would presumably need Lana Del Rey and/or Azealia Banks's permission for such a thing.

Earlier this month, an e-book released by TheFix.com revealed some explosive details from COURTNEY LOVE's life, including tidbits from Frances Bean Cobain's 2009 restraining order against her. One of the most bizarre allegations: Frances Bean "claimed that her cat died after getting entangled in piles of Etsy fabrics, boxes of paperwork, trash, and other possessions, and that a dog died after swallowing a pile of Love's pills."

Having seen a few episodes of Hoarders, I can hardly blame Courtney; precarious trash drifts apparently kill thousands of cats every day. Even so, Courtney wasn't willing to admit it. NME reports that she took to her secret Twitter account (!!!) to deny responsibility for the cat's death: "It was a mountain lion that killed Peabody!!"

But maybe NME misinterpreted the tweet, because it's not even a clear-cut denial of the cat story. There are a few other possibilities, like maybe the mountain lion was among the "other possessions" that entangled the cat. Do we really think Courtney Love doesn't have a mountain lion lying around? Or maybe Peabody was the dog, and "mountain lion" is a street name for one of the legendary fist-sized benzos that Courtney probably duck-throats on the regular. Or maybe she was just having some kind of grim Rocky & Bullwinkle hallucination?

Meanwhile in other animal mishaps, SHAKIRA was nearly mauled by an angry sea lion in her native Colombia! Here's an account from her Facebook page:

"OMG, what just happened to me! I was attacked by a sea lion! This afternoon, I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought to myself how cute they were, so I decided to get a bit closer. . . . Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury, and tried to bite me."

Luckily, her brother, "Super Tony," jumped into the fray and saved her life. You may have already seen this tale, since it got picked up by dozens of sites — my favorite was Outdoor Life's "Newshound" blog, which took the opportunity to chastise Shakira for her disrespectful attitude toward the wild:

"I wish Shakira had used her Facebook time — and fame — to send a more responsible message. Something like, 'OMG! Today I forgot that wild animals are just that — wild! I shouldn't have gotten so close to that sea lion. It's a wonder I wasn't seriously hurt. I hope people learn from my mistake and stay away from wild animals!' "

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