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50 Acts That Would Totally Blow Up At SXSW 2011 If They Existed

Let's get serious for a minute before this bash begins, and admit that we all check some SXSW acts for no reason other than their badass, if not hilarious names. Because of sweet handles, I wound up at a Tittsworth dance party two years ago, and I'll be hitting at least one Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. show next week.

With that said, I'm offering 50 potential winning names from my extensive collection, which could come in handy for artists who split from their bands en route to 6th Street and need to re-group. It's never too late to become the next Austin phenomenon - in fact we see an overwritten Pitchfork blowjob in your immediate future.

Feel free to use all or any of these, and to act as if you deserve the attention that your cool new brand attracts. I want nothing in return, though a poster and tour t-shirt would be awesome. I wear a large most of the time, but usually drop down to a medium at SXSW with all the diarrhea, drugs, and dehydration. See you all in Texas.

Chlamydia Kardashian

The Label Whores

Tricky Martin

Grandpa Harry's Wet Cheese Brigade

Toothless Snatch

Sal Minella and Chicken Tenders

Doggystyle Slush Puppy

Rhymes With Agent Orange

Beloved Cunt

MC Hammered

Designer Imposters

Young Salad



Pepsi One and the Green Ketchup Nostalgia Mongers

Uncle Sweatpants

Monkey Punch

Gays Against the Machine


The Sandbox Sex Slaves


Bukake and Bullwinkle

Better Than Better Than Ezra

Scumbag Sweetheart

The 1986 New York Mets featuring Mookie Wilson



Let Them Eat Cock

Blood Donut

Crazy Eddie and the Stolen Stereos

Visible Pee Hole

Ragtime Reform School

The Blowjob Headhunters

Booga Shuga

The French Onion Soup Nazis

Spongebob Shitstain

Shasta Pussycat

The Kasheesteez

Butt Cavity Cartel

Slut Sandwich


Lil Red Writing Hood

Japanese Russian Kurt Cobain

DJ Fair and Balanced

The Pope Fuckers

Sleazy Freakies

Velvet Vulva

| More


  • Michael Marotta said:

    I just heard Better Than Better Than Ezra's new jam, it's "Great."

    March 13, 2011 1:26 PM
  • Andrew Prouty said:

    The Who Cares

    March 14, 2011 11:24 AM

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