Drinking Liberally with Sarah Palin
I’m glad that we
– meaning those of us who are intelligent enough to dismiss today’s New York
Times nonsense that Sarah Palin delivered an honorable performance in last
night’s debate – have finally arrived at the moment when I can spit trash about
Alaska’s shameful governor without being labeled a complete misogynist. For
real – fuck this bitch if she has beef with my debt; I hope her son gets filled
with shrapnel in this war that she supports so ardently (you thought it – I
said it).
For an event as
entertaining as last night’s vice-presidential debate promised to be, the
Drinking Liberally meet-up groups from Brookline
and Boston convened with our intellectual
superiors from Cambridge at the Hong Kong in Harvard
Square. I thought it was a fine choice considering
how The Comedy Studio is upstairs and we were in for an evening of hilarity.
The joint was
filled with assorted liberals – one young woman was toting a copy of Richard
Dawkins’ “The Selfish Gene;” another was passing out Hebrew Obama stickers. Apparently
there are few rallying points more persuasive than Sarah Palin’s stupidity. The
camaraderie made me feel badly about my general prejudice against people
wearing dress suits; I apologize for always scowling at you in the street – I
often forget that some of you are lefties too.
By 8:15 the room
was nearly swollen; Palin Bingo cards were strewn across the bar and tables,
and the folks from Generation Progress incestuously amplified the spot with a
mess of Democratic literature. It was a polite crowd – at least at first.
There were no
boos during Palin’s introduction; equally disappointing was the lack of cheers
for Biden. One person joked that the governess was wearing black to mock Gwen
Ifill, but the line was largely denied in a moment of cautious liberalism.
I’m not sure how
people in other settings perceived the stage set-up, but with a crowd around me
ripping Palin to shreds I saw that red carpet as a cautionary GOP measure to
prevent viewers from seeing her blood spatter on the dance floor.
The liberal
drinkers got ruthless as soon as the word “soccer” flipped off Palin’s jaw. She
further agitated folks by saying “barometer” several times in the first few
minutes, since that word was not featured on the Palin Bingo cards. That said;
we were all flattered to learn that we belong to the greatest workforce in the
world.
Props must be
given to a candidate who says “Joe Six-Pack” in a serious debate, and boy did
Palin get hers. Hollers rang when she said “feds” instead of “fed,” when she
big-upped the world famous Castro brothers, and after she clarified that Alaska was not just any
state, but a state that is in a country. Biden got his roars too; that “bridge
to nowhere” line brought the damn house down.
To the makers of
Palin Bingo: thanks for the laughs, but a few things: 1 – How could you forget “Predator
Lenders;” 2 – are you allowed to cross off “Track” when she says “track record;”
and 3 – next time we need cards for both candidates and the moderator. You
might also want to consider that Palin has improved her metaphorical capacity;
did anybody else notice how she said global warming doesn’t exist without really
saying so?
I’m glad that
Palin didn’t succumb to talk radio pressure and grill Ifill about her upcoming
book on Barack Obama. However, it would have been acceptable if she blasted the
PBS hostess for wearing what might be the ugliest blouse I’ve ever seen. That
thing was just horrible.
By half way
through the debate people were simply yapping over Palin; I suppose the
mentality was that if she could talk about whatever she wanted to, we could as
well. We still caught gaffes such as when she said “humanitarian” and “us” in
the same sentence, when she suggested that America
won Vietnam,
and when she dropped the oxymoron “team of mavericks,” but the novelty was
largely worn by the time they dipped into foreign policy.
There were some
moments that stuck out in the company of my drunken liberal cronies. The first
was when the candidates tag teamed China,
which was pretty uncomfortable since we were at the Hong
Kong. The second was when Palin denied homosexuals their civil
rights; where else in the country does a room full of people unanimously cheer
for gay pride? Third was their joint fellating of Israel; half of us were
disappointed in Biden, and the other half was ashamed to agree with dumb shit
on something.
The last thing
written in my notepad was: “I can’t stand how both sides always declare victory
as soon as the debate is over. I wonder if the Republicans will have the sack
to claim that Palin won.” But this morning I checked the latest headline on
McCain’s prehistoric web site: “Tonight, Governor Palin proved beyond any doubt
that she is ready to lead as Vice President of the United States.” Clearly the author
of that nonsense wasn’t watching over Bud Lights and scorpion bowls at the Hong
Kong in Cambridge.
