Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My girlfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years. We have a really great relationship, but there’s one thing she does that sort of irritates me. I’m no fashion plate, but I think I have pretty good clothing sense. She doesn’t think so, though, and is constantly weeding through my old clothes and throwing stuff away — oftentimes things that I really like. She also is very big on telling me what clothes to buy, and she does much of the selecting when we go shopping.
It’s not so much that I don’t go along with her taste in these matters. It’s more how I feel I’m losing something of my identity by allowing her to make these kinds of decisions. Should I put my foot down and insist that I make these choices, or should I continue to bow to her wishes?
_R.F.
Dear R.F.,
Many women started out playing with Barbie dolls as little girls. Not only did they get Barbie, but also her crew, including Ken, Skipper, and a stock company of homies. In the meantime, most young boys were developing their fashion sense from GI Joes and assorted superhero action figures. (Male dolls, of course, are known as “action figures.”) From the female point of view, capes and tights indicate poor fashion sense. Women generally do not want to be seen with some guy who looks like an unholy cross between Spider-Man and Hulk Hogan.
The belief is that straight men have no fashion sense. There is much evidence to support this, and intelligent hetero women often bring up past fashion crimes as prima facie evidence that there is something inherently suspicious about the male fashion gene.
Even though you may be one of those rare men with a bit of fashion sense, you cannot fight the tides of history. I suggest that you give in to your girlfriend. Change your name to “Ken” and allow her to dress you in preppy finery. Ignore the sneers from your fashionable friends, resplendent in their capes and tights, for you will have better sex, an aspect of life in which clothing is seldom an issue.
If your male friends are the type who cavort in flannel shirts and backwards-turned baseball caps, you can always keep a box of these togs buried in your backyard. Sneak out, dig them up, and put them on when it’s time to engage in such vital rituals as the Super Bowl or a wrestling pilgrimage. Your identity has been joined, and part of the give-and-take might just include having to wear uncomfortable pants. This is the way of the world.
Grin and bare it
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m thinking about starting a Web page featuring naked pictures of myself, something that I would like to share with the world. But there are a lot of other Web sites, with better-known naked celebrity pictures, so how can I make mine distinguishable from the rest. Got any ideas?
_Mr. Hard
Dear Mr. Hard,
You should consider changing your name from “Mr. Hard” to “Mr. Good Taste & Insouciant Subtlety.” Doing so may not garner greater attention on the Internet, but it would certainly make you stand out in the porn community.
Email the author
Dr. Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
