February 26, 2007
Fuck you, America! My middle finger is sooo cute!
Some dirty naked stuff surfaced on the Web recently — and American Idol semi-finalist Antonella Barba is in it. The 20 year-old Catholic University of America undergrad is a hooch, like those Hit-Me-Baby-One-More-Time school girls. (In one pic, Barba squats on a basketball, just like Britney, aw.)
America’s idols are often involved in questionable (or skank-ass) extracurricular activities. Google it for yourself: Frenchie Davis, Corey Clark, the Brittenum brothers, Bucky Covington, Akron Watson, From Justin to Kelly, and, well, then there’s Paula.
In other music news, Natasha Beddingfield's new song "I Wanna Have Your Baby" is really bad.
February 22, 2007
Tonight, the O.C. ends.
Boo hoo, you're dead now, anyway!
But who cares about that? — The Agency premiered on VH1 this week. And, dude, it’s better than crying over spilt pop-culture references and Californian teenagers.
Like other runway reality series before it — America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, and 8th and Ocean — The Agency is actually pretty good in a don’t-eat-that-beeyatch! kind of way. Seriously, watch the first thirty seconds for free on the VSPOT and try not to a. starve yourself, and b. watch the entire episode. Before the opening credits roll, Wilhelmina agent Pink—yeah beeyatch!—turns down a whole lotta model chicks at an open call, with stuff like this: "I mean, there's nothing I can do with you. Your face is asymmetrical. Your eyes are too close together and your nose is off on an angle like this. You want me to keep going?"
Oh, and then there’s this exchange:
“What do you do in Flint, Michigan?” Pink asks, feigning interest.
“Uh, I just closed my restaurant,” says model chick trying to sound all, like, career-driven now.
“I think it’s time to open a new one,” Pink says.
Oh, snap! Good looking people are so dumb. This show makes you glad you’re not one of them. (Though, they really do make for excellent T.V.)
February 22, 2007
In two years, Conan O'Brien will be making the jump to 11:35 to replace Jay Leno as the host of
The Tonight Show. And that's a good thing. We like Conan - his skits are consistently funny and he does a good job of establishing a rapport with his guests, including the ones the publicity machine forcefeeds him. Sure, maybe he runs the occasional joke into the ground - see last year's President of Finland business for an example - but, for the most part, he's the best thing going on late-night television. Handily.
His move, of course, means that NBC has to replace him. Fortunately, they don't seem to be planning on ceding the spot to Carson Daly, the man whose show comes on after Conan's. Smart move, NBC.
But
unfortunately,
according to published reports, the do have a replacement in mind who is probably about as bad:
Ugh. Somebody give them Demetri Martin's number or something.
February 21, 2007
If you only have about five minutes of InterWeb distraction time today, I urge you to click over to Details magazine's site and skim through Master of Celebrity, David Amsden's profile on Brody Jenner. There's some majorly incriminating stuff in here that simply reaffirms to me what an ignorant starfucker this reality golden boy is. Even more of a douche-basket is Spencer Pratt, Jenner's stylist-manager-publicist-whogivesafuck who is wrecking havoc on The Hills this season and sending me into spasms every Monday night as a result of his horror show catch phrases and dirt bag proclamations of love (dump him NOW, Heidi!!). If anyone reminds me of the scheming A-group jerk faces I went to high school with, it's this simpering fool:
The Spencer/Heidi saga has proved to me, in stunning lucidity, why it never, NEVER makes sense to date an asshole. He isn't even cute, for god's sake! Just read the profile, and after you're done throwing up in your mouth a little bit, spit it out all sly-like, keep Googling for more info on Super-Intern Emily, and get ready for next Monday night's ep, because it's going to be a doozy. Lauren, Lauren, when will you rise above all this and show us what you're really made of? I'll be waiting. I know you've got it in you.
February 20, 2007
And we called it.
February 15, 2007
In hopes of serving as the right-wing response to
The Daily Show, Fox News will be premiering
The Half-Hour News Hour, a comedy newscast with a right-wing bent. It's created by Joel Surnow, the same mind behind
24. Of course, the best way to sell any show is by getting Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to do a promo, introduced by Sean Hannity:
February 12, 2007
What the eff?
From the neck up, Jodie Sweetin looks about 15. Let's not even talk about from the neck down. This is STEPHANIE TANNER with major cleave, and that's just fucked up. (Though we are happy to learn that J-Sweet has kicked the meth addiction). By contrast, Laguna terror/star Jason W. appears to be pushing about 55 years of age here. He also seems to be copying the smirky face-leer of number-one tool box Carson Daly. Guess that break-up with L.C. aged him something fierce. As it should be.
These two. Are. Yuck.
February 08, 2007
Dirty muts are more entertaining than celebrities—this, our conclusion, after hours spent watching and SUPERVOTING for '07's best Super Bowl commercials. (What was Sheryl Crow thinking?)
Budwiser’s dog commercial was good—and nobody made a fool of themselves, Jessica Simpson, Sheryl Crow, K-Fed, and Chevy celebrity ensemble. In the 30 second drammercial, a white mut is feeling down and low—no sausage links, no friends. It’s a metaphor for anyone who needs a drink, isn't it? A splash of puddle later, the dog looks like a dirty drunk, but he’s wearing his beer goggles now. When he takes a good look at himself in the window all he sees are spots, big, beautiful, black spots just like a show Dalmatian. Cue “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head.”
It’s almost half as good as the timeless ass-who-wants-to-be-a-clysdale commercial, during which I cry (a lot). Budweiser is a family beer.
February 01, 2007
Over the course of the day, we went from thinking the whole Mooninites thing was ridiculous, to funny, to boring, to, finally, annoying. So we want to talk about something else, if we could.
Tonight on Comedy Central is the premiere of
The Sarah Silverman Program. We wanted to do an essay about Miss Silverman, but then we realized that
Jon Garelick already covered that territory.
Anyway, we like Silverman. At least, we think we like Silverman. We
want to like her. And we want to like this show. But we're not entirely sold, even after
a glowing New Yorker review.
See, here's the thing. First of all, Comedy Central's reputation is increasingly spotty. Sure, the channel has its high-profile success stories -
South Park,
The Daily Show,
The Colbert Report, and, for two years,
Chappelle's Show. And we accept the fact that shows like
Drawn Together and
Mind of Mencia have an audience, even if we think they're both flat-out unwatchable. What gets us, though, is the stuff involving talented people that
should be awesome, but somehow just... isn't. Sure,
Stella, to pick one example, was okay, but it should have been one of the greatest shows on cable television.
And somehow we can't shake the feeling that
The Sarah Silverman Program is going to fall into that territory. We know her whole deal is to say shocking things. Witness her hilarious spot in
The Aristocrats:
But then sometimes, it gets a little
predictably shocking, like singing "Amazing Grace" out of one's private region:
Still funny, but a lot less so. Which Sarah Silverman shows up tonight on Comedy Central?
February 01, 2007
So the two suspects in the viral marketing scheme gone awry were arraigned and spoke to the press, but they were advised not to discuss the case, instead only speaking about hair. We've got video.
February 01, 2007
