August 16, 2007
Your rap lifted me high-er!
Phoenix staffers weigh in on the new Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt song "Body Language":
“Ugh, I cannot stand the whole ‘let’s take a bad singer and make her a pop star by layer/distorting/computerizing her voice to the point where it barely even exists’ thing. But the beat’s ok – definitely not as bad a song as you’d think it would be. Ha ha, whoever sings right after Spencer’s rap part is clearly not Heidi.
How many takes do you think Spencer had to do to get that part right? And how many Vanilla Ice records did he listen to beforehand?”
_Caitlin E. Curran
“I think her voice is shaky and she is not singing so much as she is trying to sound cute (bleh)…. NOW, as for Spencer, I listened to it without knowing it was him and I like the “Heid-I Mon-Tag Yeah That’s My Girl’ part the best. I think Spencer sounds hot and thug-like, or whatever, very good actually… reminiscent of, say, Marky Mark.
Also, not to beat a dead pop song, but Heidi’s bit about body language is so LAME (and, I don’t know, early 90s not-cool-like!) whereas when Spencer says he wants to take me on his jet at a ‘mil mil’ I think that sounds like it might be a riot.”
_Ellee Dean
“The whole ‘girl sings an awesome dance/pop song with a guy rapping for no real reason except to get the star power attached to it’ is so played out. Like why does ‘Umbrella’ need to be ‘Rhianna featuring Jay-Z.’”
Overall, I think we can agree that this is nowhere near as embarrassing as it could have been.”
_Ryan Stewart
“I don’t even know what to say right now. I’ve listened to it about 10 times. I’m literally speechless.
‘Heid-I Mon-Tag Yeah That’s My Girl’ — Spencer’s a fool for doing this. Heidi’s auto-tuned well enough.
I like the hook… but that shouldn’t surprise either of you.
I think Spencer put brainwashing messages in his rap.
I feel scared and alone. I don’t think her voice is that bad.
And it’s true. I mean, I agree with Ellee, in that her body language shtick is 90s. But it’s like, she’s bringing the Abdul back. Spencer is just so white boy wasp trying to roll with the homies.
Release your inhibitioooooooooonss!
I’m changing my name to Justin Bobby.”
_Sharon I-can’t-make-up-my-freaking-mind Steel
“I have no idea who Heidi Montag is, but that 30-second clip makes me yearn to get my phreak on. Or stick sharp pencils deep into my ear holes. Whateves.”
_Will Spitz
August 16, 2007
The way we were.
The Hills pretty much delivered. Most shocking of all: everything promised in the trailer for the premiere actually happened. And not only did it happen, it happened in all its eery, depressant, otherworldly Hills-like way — the only downfall being that Audrina was there, too.
Though there really isn’t anything per se to HATE about Audrina, there’s not much to adore yet either. It’s just that we didn’t really want to hear about the “inapropriate” tape situation through Audry — during a staged, nasally gab-fest with one of her coworkers. Nor, do we really want any insight from Audrina… of any kind… because let’s face it, she doesn’t seem to have a clue (Justin Bobby?). She may just be making LC lamer, too. Whenever Lauren trills Audrinaaaa, I have to check my gag reflex. And, since when does Lauren think “You guys kissed a lot!” sounds so profound…?
Meanwhile, Heidi has embarrassingly few friends and Spencer. The scene where she dresses for Spenser in the sparse master bedroom is sort of like being invited to watch a mistress dress for an old rich man.
And now that Lauren isn’t Heidi’s friend, anymore, we finally see the Lauren-Heidi showdown… sort of a letdown. Like we didn’t know Heidi and Spencer were “SICK” people… However, no matter how sick they are — I feel a little bad for them. How do you dig yourself out of a foolish young engagement that runs Reality-TV deep? But, I must say the bit where Spencer went: “ERRR!” in response to Heidi’s plans to paint the condo “light yellow” and thereby verbally GONGED her… was AMAZING! (It’s especially amazing if you watch it on repeat a couple of times and then laugh your ass off when Heidi shows up to an apartment graffitied: HOLLYWOOD instead. Har har har.)
Um, I think that covers just about everything great (but probably not) because so much freaking happened! Since when does stuff HAPPEN on The Hills is all I’m saying? And… it even looks like stuff is going to continue to happen because did you see the thong bikini Audrina was wearing in the trailer for next week’s episode? Or, did you see Jason?? OMGOMGLORIOUSG.
August 10, 2007
Doctor's orders! Grrr.
Here is the news:
- Britney Spears came out of her hotel/ house.
- Brad Pitt almost did jury duty. Oh.
- Woody Allen doesn’t actually mention Lindsay once…
- The show formerly know as Lauguna Beach: The Real Orange County will now be Newport Harbor: the real Orange County. (Actual news.)
...And this is why Ellen Pompeo rules. So she plays Meredith Grey a frail, whiny intern, with suicidal tendencies on Grey’s Anatomy. In real life, Pompeo is not such a pushover. In the new issue of Los Angeles Confidential Magazine, August 15, she speaks out against the media and the “rich and famous for nothing.” Basically, Pompeo doesn’t have the patience for any of the above.
Meanwhile, looks like Lexie Grey (Meredith’s unbeknownst-to-her sister) is going to at least make out with Alex Karev. This —for those who don’t watch the show — is a definite improvement (as Karev was sort of in love with a pregnant, married, and faceless patient for most of last season).
August 02, 2007
Pshhh
Is that even possible? Yes. Britney Spears' cousin/ex-assistant Alli Sims wants to be famous. On her new Web site, there are three photos of Sims dressed like Barbie/Britney/a hooch, two links to Britney Spears fansites (like breathheavy.com), and ONE recorded track of Sims singing "On My Very Own" from Les Mis that is very bad and, according to her biography, from her favorite performance in the Junior Miss Georgia Pageant show. And the track just keeps repeating...
In an interview with People Magazine, yesterday, she ignores who she really is, saying “I have a more bluesy voice, more Norah Jones-ish.” Somehow, in her black leather?/pleather?, lace, and polyester mini-tutu, Sims as a Grammy-award-winning singer-songwriter is unbelievable. Besides, who writes "xoxo" anymore, anyway.
BOO, I hope you never become a famous person, Alli Sims. Sorry.
